2 min read
22 Jul

     I'm sure by now through my writings you realize that I'm no saint, I'm not perfect, I'm not even close. But I show up every day and I try to be better, to do better in my life. I have to work daily to heal, to forgive and to watch myself. I fail most of the time, but I come back around even at the end of the day. I am learning to apologize when I become frustrated with the people around me. I am learning to speak up when I am hurt and feeling an emotional trigger. I try to create a space for dialogue rather than lash out and place blame on others for my own emotions. Let me tell you it's hard to catch yourself in a moment of reaction, and say you know what I am not handling this the way I should so I'm going to take a step back. That pause is so crucial for those of us struggling with addictions, and past hurts/pains. Without it we flare up without recognizing we are in the moment, triggered. This is why the 10th step is one of my absolute favorites. “We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it”. The 10th step is our daily maintenance to keep ourselves aligned with our new path, God's path. 

     In this step, I am learning to be more compassionate and understanding. I am seeing how my actions affect not just me, but others in those moments. People are not mind readers, and they certainly don’t know what we are feeling in the moment of distress if we don’t let them know. No one wants to be on the receiving end of a frustrated person, an angry or hurtful person because we act out of character. So, my biggest daily challenge is to acknowledge how I am feeling, and take space to recover myself then apologize if I was wrong in any way.  To stop myself in a moment and say I am frustrated, can we take a quick break. I know the people in my life certainly appreciate that rather than me getting grumpy and making hurtful comments. It's still very hard for me to do, but every day it gets a little easier when I try. Even one small action a day can build up to greater potential. One small action can lead to greater healing and understanding. So, I encourage you to show up in your own life, be present, become aware. Take whatever small steps you need to walk powerfully later on. Make small ripples in the water to create large waves of change in the future. We all start somewhere, why not start today in this moment. 

     I like to believe there is an unwritten rule through this step, and it's this. We won't always get it right, the words to express ourselves might not come to us, but we can learn to be better in these moments. Even the wrong words spoken honestly will speak volumes with the right people. A simple acknowledgment of our emotions will show we are trying. Remember our goal is progress, not perfection. I pray for this, that we are able to shine daily with our bright lights inside of us. That we light the way for others who are looking to us for guidance. I pray that we can show up in our lives, and the lives of those around us. I pray that we take small steps so that one day we can take large, powerful steps. Recovery isn't a sprint, in some cases it's not even a race. For some it’s a crawl, others its learning how to walk again. It’s a journey that we are all at different phases of, but we can all remember where we’ve been in that journey. We remember what it was like to crawl so we give a helping hand to lift them up. We remember what it was like to struggle to walk on our own, so we support in any way we can. My higher power, God, calls me to show the same love, grace, mercy, compassion, and understanding that has been given to me freely; to give back to others who are struggling.  To put back into the world that healing energy and give hope to someone who needs it. 

With Much Love and Compassion,

 Mack  

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