When I first started my recovery process, I was empty inside, and after having been empty inside for so long it was hard to find a reason to keep going. Over time my life became filled with God, my higher power, and other things. Support from friends, loved ones and I started listening to God. Listening to what he wanted me to do, my purpose and how I could be of use to others. These past 6 months my life has slowly become brimming to the top full. Then I had reached a point of true fulfillment, and I didn’t know how it happened but it did. My life started overflowing my cup into the lives of others. It wasn’t spilling over but carefully waterfalling into others cups around me. That was around the time I started writing again and it seemed the more I gave the more my cup was overfilled.
God has been overfilling my cup for what I can sense as part of my path and purpose that he has for me. The more I give back, the more I write, the more I find myself fulfilled completely. I found wholeness form the void that once scattered my soul. I found truth within the lies I had been telling for a decade. Being fulfilled however isn't the end all know all either. It's just a step further in awareness and recognition of healing. Where I didn’t understand before has come new wisdom and I'm grateful for it. Before I couldn’t see the ways in which I've self-sabotaged my life on purpose, but now I'm aware of when thoughts pop up into my head that don’t match my situation. My truth is that I didn’t want to succeed, because I was scared of my future, of what comes next. When I was in my rock bottom, I was in my comfort zone, a zone where I knew my circumstances and what came next; the drink.
I had to leave that comfort zone to grow and allow my life to start being fulfilled by other things. I have had nothing but encouragement from my writing and so every day I try my best to share it with all of you. Then there's that little self-sabotaging voice in the back of my head saying no one cares and you aren't making a difference. You are still worthless, a failure and will always be these things. I chose not to listen to that voice, but it's still something I struggle immensely with. I had no self-worth that I could see before sobriety but I have come to love and see my worth. Then God does even more for me, something I could never do for myself. He lets me know I'm on the right path and sends others my way to remind me. Whether it’s a message from a friend who loved my writing, or support from a stranger who comments. He tells me do not be discouraged for I am with you always. God's voice is booming and loud, and that sabotaging voice is like a little mouse. It reminds me where I am in life and how far I've come from the man I once was.
I want you to know there's hope for you as well. If God could use a broken man like me to give back to others then he can use you and your story as well. He will lift you up, give you purpose and fulfill your life. He will do for you what you could not do for yourself, its outlined in the 9th step promises for a reason. Every day is a miracle, and every day sober is just another reason to live. I hope you begin to see these things happening in your life and take notice in the ways God is painting the masterpiece that is your life. He is there spinning a tale for you out of the lies you spun for yourself. The lies we still tell ourselves and the lies the enemy tells us. We are more than our past mistakes, we are more worthy than we could possibly imagine, we have purpose, and we can have fulfillment without alcohol or drugs.
With love and respect,