1 min read
11 Aug

 Today I am reminded just what my faith and spirituality can provide for me. Peace of mind I've never been able to attain on my own. My anxious mind is always on the lookout and doesn’t need a reason to start worrying. Anything can set me off even unrealistic things. So, I pray and I go for a walk to order my thoughts. What seemed like a growing problem becomes small and manageable when I turn to my inner peace.  

     God shows me that I'm creating a false narrative in my head. My most recent example is I'm starting school again and I have an ignition interlock in my vehicle now. I worried about not getting it right, the pressure and stigma from having it and worrying about dealing with school and probation.  My sponsor changed my perspective on this and challenged me to look at it with grace and mercy. I made a mistake and my natural consequences are there as a reminder, but also a testament to my recovery. Every time I blow, I'm blowing out the past and inhaling the spirit of God into my life. I'm able to see the fruit of my recovery every single day that says a 0.00 because I'm sober and I don’t have to worry about ever setting that off otherwise. 

     My shame would love to torment me and tell me I'm worthless because I have this in my vehicle and that I fucked up in my past. That’s not God and it's not his voice for me. God showed me mercy in the judgement of my case and I'm forever grateful. He wouldn’t have shown me peace and grace if he was going to still judge me for it. I've been forgiven by God and I need to keep finding forgiveness for myself. I love the ability to reach out to someone in the program and have their perspective reverberate back to me. What I can't see, they can and it changes everything.  I will always need another alcoholic mind to tell me that my thinking is the problem; not me.  

With much love and grace, 

Mack  

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