1 min read
27 Oct

I've touched on this before in previous blog posts but I want to really dive into this topic.  Everyone has their own rock bottom that THEY need to hit. Truth is you can hit it as many times as you want, you can keep digging further and further until you’ve had enough. After all there are many ways to reach oblivion and no one needs any help to get there. But what people often don’t talk about are the other factors, the other addictions furthering the drug of choice or addiction of choice.  

For me it was alcoholism, but in many ways, I exhibited the traits of a sex addict. I used sex purely to derive pleasure out of it until my brain stopped rewarding me. I was using it to fill the same hole inside me, sex gave me a sense of self-worth. Alcohol numbed the pain from having no self-worth. If I could get a woman into bed with me that was a great achievement all in its own, but like the alcohol the pleasure stopped long before I did.  

Where I used to only have one-night stands, I know only have sex in relationships I'm comfortable in. That’s another part of my sobriety. I can't go out and drink, but I can't go and fill that hole with sex or other things either. It defeats the purpose of sobriety. When you feed one addiction, you feed them all. It can drag you deeper than you ever thought possible if you let it. It's painful, but you have to give them up to your higher power. I had to give up more than my alcoholism, I gave up meaningless sex, I gave up being addicted to my resentments and revenge.  

So, I wanted to open a discussion about it.  Are the things you do daily adding to your life or simply taking away? Are your habits feeding that black hole in some other way than your addiction? It's not to say that you can do pleasurable things, but if the reasons for it are to avoid processing your emotions, pain, or living your life then something needs to be done. I wish I could play video games all day every day, but all it really does is distract me from the fact that I'm hurting. I can play video games and enjoy them, but if I find myself zoning out for hours on end then that says something about my mental state. 

In the end I pray for this, that we take the time to ask ourselves the hard questions and be honest. I pray we take a look at our actions that could lead to a relapse. The signs are always there long before you relapse and I want to bring awareness to those types of troubles. If you are hurting, please speak up, if you are avoiding processing something then set aside a time of meditation to work on it. I'm guilty of it all too, but I'm learning to recognize these behaviors that are taking more than they are giving. I hope you find the courage to do the same with wisdom and understanding.  

Until then may your higher power keep you and hold you, 

Mack  

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